It has not been a good three days for my wallet

The Florida Gators upset the Ohio State Buckeyes last night 41-14 to win the national championship and complete my dismal three day bonanza of losing money. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t lose the pink slip to my car or anything, but being 90 bills in debt to your buddies, isn’t very fun, let me tell you.

It all started innocently enough with a twenty dollar wager, straight-up on the Kansas City Chiefs. There was also a side wager of five dollars that LJ would rush for at least 100. My belief system was chronicled here. As you all know, the Chiefs were made to look like an NFC team by the Colts (who didn’t really look that impressive either, now that I think about it) but I do hafta give props to Indy’s run D. There was much hubbub about how they were going to let up a gazillion rushing yards but instead they let up 32, which effectively killed my early Saturday evening buzz. Thanks alot.

Next, which by all accounts was definately the worst of them all, was my twenty five dollar wager on the Dallas Cowboys. I’m not even going to touch on that. It causes too much pain.

So by now I was down fifty dollars, trying desperately to get some retard to bet on the Jets. No one did. So I put ten dollars on the Giants. Yes, yes, I know. There’s no need to say it. In my defense however, I was drunk for at least 75% of Saturday and Sunday. And as well all know, that makes it okay.

So there I was, down 60 dollars on Monday morning, trying to scheme my way back to a reasonable amount. An hour before kickoff I found someone to take a thirty dollar wager on the Florida Gators. There was no way that the Buckeyes would lose, I thought. And I would be back to down only thirty dollars. As it turns out, the Buckeyes played like shit, probably in the most part since their last game was on November fucking 18th. Florida’s last game was December 2nd. I’m not saying this was the reason Florida won, but—a month and a half? What the fuck? That’s some bullshit.

The I have no clue who to bet on Bowl (aka Giants vs. Eagles)

I just cannot bring myself to put money on this guy. I can’t do it. When McNabb got injured a couple weeks ago, the collective reaction was that, “Oh shit. Eagles season is over.” Contrary to public opinion, Jeff Garcia has led the Eagles into the playoffs. I’ll give him props for that, I’m not afraid. Props, Jeff, props.

While I should have just avoided betting on this game altogether, I was drunk and well, you know how that is, so I eventually decided to bet on the Giants. I know, they suck right now. But their due for a big game, I hope. I just can’t put money on Jeff Garcia in the playoffs. Sure, he’s been playing well, but he’s due for a bad game. Just like Tony Romo’s inevitable bad game against the Saints in Week 14 (I called that shit, by the way. Holla.).

So, as much as I don’t want to, I hafta take the Giants in this game, on the road. Just as Garcia’s due for a bad game, I’m thinking Eli’s due for a good game. But Eli’s only good for one good game in the playoffs. There’s no fucking way I’m taking them again if they end up winning. Maybe.

NYG: 27 PHI: 24




Asante Samuel vs. Chad Pennington’s bitch arm

It’s beyond me how Asante Samuel isn’t in the Pro Bowl. He only tied for the league lead of ten interceptions with Champ Bailey and was a bright spot in an otherwise dismal Patriots secondary. He also led his team’s secondary in tackles and generally just provided a Rodney Harrison-esque type spark to the defense while he was injured.

Anyway, I’m not even remotely worried about this game. I think the Jet’s last win was a fluke. The Pats were coming off a tough loss to the Colts and no one really looked at the Jets as a threat. Well, at least in New England. I remember the night before the second game, my buddy who doesn’t watch a lot of football wanted to put twenty on the Jets. I was fucking psyched. Everyone called him retarded, called me a genius. Money in the bank.

As it turns out, the Patriots were in my state of mind as well. They didn’t take the Jets seriously and they squeaked out a 17-14 win. That was then. This is January. In Foxboro. Game over.

I can’t say this game’s going to be a rape job, but I do think the Jets are going to look like bitches. Chad Pennington won’t throw a ball over 25 yards, Asante Samuel will have at least one pick and Lawrence Maroney’s gonna break a long one for a TD. However, this is coming from the same guy who said Larry Johnson was gonna go bananas on the Colts and well, we all know how that turned out. I’m half-retarded, sometimes.

NE: 31 NYJ: 16

The Obligatory ‘Gilbert Arenas is the shit’ post

Forget the fact that he pissed off Kobe by putting up 60 on the Lakers, causing Kobe to retaliate with a “They weren’t quality shots” stab. Forget that he’s averaging 30.3 points per game and proving that he’s as clutch as anyone in the league.

Gilbert Arenas is fucking hilarious.

Some highlights from an Esquire article about Agent Zero’s favorite food:

“On the road, I eat hamburgers every day. The team tries to get me to eat differently, but no. Burgers, burgers, burgers. I like burgers. McDonald’s burgers. Wendy’s burgers. Burger King burgers. There’s this one place in Canada—I even look at the schedule to find out when we play there—best burger I’ve ever tasted. Real soft and sweet. I ate twelve of them in one night.“

And what does Gilbert do when he gets a new cell phone?

“When I get a new cell phone, first thing I do is turn it off and call from my house phone and leave stupid little messages to myself. Like: “It’s me.” “It’s me.” “This is Gilbert.” “It’s me.” “It’s Gilbert.” I just fill it up, so no one can leave messages. If you don’t, you leave for an hour and thirteen people have called. So there are thirteen new messages you have to listen to and it’s like, Oh, man. I don’t feel like hearing people’s stories. Most people love leaving messages that they don’t want to tell you in person. So I cut that off. “

Classic stuff.

The Pathology of Gilbert Arenas

Cowboys vs. Seahawks

Little did Bill and Mike know at the time of this photo, but some months later both their teams would finish the last quarter of the season going 1-3 and would meet in a wild card playoff battle. In other words, come playoff time–their teams would be playing like shit.

The Cowboys woes began when Tony Romo got too confident and began to think he was the next big thing. Both in social circles and on the football field. After failing to court Jessica Simpson, Tony has set his sights on a Ms. Carrie Underwood. The kid shoots high, you hafta give him that much. But as a word of advice to Tony, perhaps you should try and play good when the celebrity your trying to bone is in the stands. Hey, you could even try and win, I’m sure that would help.

On the Seahawks front, they avoided going 0-4 in their last four games by beating the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 23-7. And in case you didn’t know, the Bucs are fucking horrible. Just thought I’d throw that out there.

So naturally, neither team has any real momentum going into this game and although the Seahawks are playing at home, I still think T.O.’s gonna actually catch some important passes in this game. Even some for touchdown’s. How’s that for a prediction?

DAL: 24 SEA: 16 FINAL

Larry Johnson vs. Indianapolis Colts

With all the hoopla about how Larry Johnson’s gonna run for at least 150 on the Colts shitty run defense, I couldn’t help but think how awesome it would be if the Chiefs won this game by running the play action 70% of the time and only giving L.J. like ten to fifteen carries. This of course, isn’t going to happen because this is only Kansas City’s second  playoff game since 1998 and if they were to do this and fail miserably… well then Herm Edwards would look pretty retarded.

On the realistic front, we know L.J.’s gonna get at least twenty five carries and we know the Colts defense are going to attempt at least ten bullshit tackles. You know, the ones that have made them the worst run defense in the history of the league? The ones where they try and half-ass tackle whoever’s running, not even coming close to taking them down? Yeah, those. It’s all gonna depend on how well Peyton plays. And while I think he’s gonna play pretty well, I still think that Kansas City’s going to have the ball longer and that Larry Johnson’s gonna have an absolutely fucking bananas day. And by bananas I mean at least two hundred yards and two TD’s. How’s you like dem apples.

KC: 27   IND: 21  FINAL